(http://marsspeaks365.blogspot.com/2011/07/day-5.html)
(http://marsspeaks365.blogspot.com/2011/07/day-6.html)
(http://marsspeaks365.blogspot.com/2011/07/day-7.html)
(http://marsspeaks365.blogspot.com/2011/08/day-8.html)
You asked me to paint for you.
I've already given you enough imagery.
Enough to feel it in my bones.
Sometimes I am just skin and rib cage.
Sometimes I'll invite you in.
make yourself at home
(painted by myself)
Mood: Blank/tired/hurt/sad/dark
"blank is not enough time to hold you today
i'm sorry
the pigment of my bed sheets are fading
blank is ashy elbows itching to be held
blank is oven full of stomached thoughts
blank is open mouthed surgeon criticism
blank is being there and feeling nothing
blank is stomach ached butterflies
blank is having wings
no urge to fly
maybe another day
blank is the brightness of nothingness
under your box spring
blank is racing against the clock
blank is losing spring sunshine
i want you to hold me
there is not enough daylight
perhaps tomorrow.
blank is losing sanity
i was born insane
sanity is left nameless
blank is the urge to kiss you
blank is blank tied faces
blank is accepting
there will never be enough daylight for you to love me
blank is throwing words like scarlet discs
on summer nights
blind
blank is being tongue tied
itching to be heard
blank is open mouthed surgery
incisions cut deep to sew words meaningful
blank is too much time to love you
not enough light to show it
blank is not enough fingers to trace the memories
we both had them surgically removed
blank is not enough pigment on my cheeks to show the validity on my breath
you're cold
blank is never knowing why i feel so blank
blank is not wanting to blame you
blank is knowing who left the deepest of scars on your lungs
but still loving them
blank is too many enter buttons
blank is changing lines but never deleting
blank is never deleting
blank is teeth on elbow
drag me with you
blank is shark sharp tongue on open showcased stomachs
blank is fear of flying
blank is cherry knot shoelace confusions
blank is feeling dark
when there is too much daylight
blank is tomorrow
blank is today
blank is infinite
blank is throwing heartstrings on my oven baked coloring book
blank is not the color of my heart
blank is you make me feel infinite
you are the color of my heart
blank is the stitches on my organs
i couldn't fight the urge to give you
blank is the melanin on your scalp
what color are your thoughts
blank is reoccurring
blank is infinite
blank is light bulb chain fences under my bed
blank is going down that road again
blank is blank
blank is blank
blank is reoccurring surgical procedures
reinserting the silicon of your skin back into my thoughts
blank is the color of my thoughts
blank is daylight open mouthed kisses
blank is having the urge to trap the butterflies
in heat stroke coloring book ovens
burning pages that mean too much to me
on summer nights
we are blind
blank is being blind
blank is infinite choice of spectrum
my heart lacks the melanin it needs to shout
blank is learning to shout
in the daylight
with the urge to kiss you
butterfly hello
they are living under my box spring
blank is lovingly holding ashy elbow words
i'm sorry
its dark
blank is never wanting this to end
but ending it
i am blank today
but not tomorrow
the sun will light up the darkness under my box springs
i won't be blank
blank is challenging
and being challenged
blank is love is
not having enough time to hold daylight
blank is surgically removing our fingers
the melanin in our kisses couldn't match up to the blood rushed memories
they flew away like butterflies
blank is not looking back
is blank faced pressing enter
is there are no delete buttons to stomach
blank is gone with the wind
like the scarlet discs we tossed
back and forth.
we bumped ashy elbows
itching to hold hands.
you kissed me open mouthed
that summer night.
we were blind"
-Day 8
ANALYSIS////
I wrote this piece a little over a year ago. Days 004- 008 were written with feelings of love, losing love, rejecting love, listening to love, learning about love, love, love's counterpart, just love. During those days, I remember getting out of a long relationship with a boy I really loved. It ended because we just weren't in love, because of college, because of many reasons I don't know. I just know that I didn't want to be let down and hurt over and over again. Today we remain subtle strangers.
It just interests me to remember this feeling. It's like going through all the emotions all over again, but this time, it's with someone new.
I remember how much strength it took to just lose my final straw and leave, but it was only for good intentions for myself. I knew I was strong. I knew I could leave and grow as a person. But today, I am just left with really hard feelings and words that might lose their meaning. I am at a point in my life where I just want to be left alone. It is difficult when there are strings and heart, energy, and time left on the line. Sometimes you just can't leave for the sake of saving a soul. Sometimes I just want someone to save me.
Love,
mars
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